DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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