Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woke up backwards on a recliner
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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