dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
