Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
