Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
