I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
