Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He kissed a someone with a penis
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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