hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
