No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
