Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
