i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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