dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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