saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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