I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
