I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The uberlube is also flammable
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
