so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
