I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
