How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
one two three fourrrrnication!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
two words: eviction party
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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