never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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