Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
