Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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