and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just had sex on a roof
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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