If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
