I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
