I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I can tuck mytits in my pants
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
