My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
