My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
