I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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