i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
