where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
