my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Randomize
