I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
