Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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