she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
