You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
