Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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