I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
