i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
