after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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