I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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