I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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