I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
only you would photoshop your dick
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We have started to decorate penises.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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