based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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