i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
