i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
