a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
