I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
