I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
