Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
