I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
