He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
