I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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