At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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