hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
